


Jedi Monthly: Attack of the Clones

by cfxcin02



Series: Jedi Monthly [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Anti-Slavery, Crack, F/M, Trolling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-08
Updated: 2018-11-28
Packaged: 2019-07-08 17:22:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15934949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cfxcin02/pseuds/cfxcin02
Summary: A semi-serious version of what could have happened had Qui-Gon lived to train Anakin with many cracky elements thrown in for fun and humor. I have rated this the Teens rating for the tiny bit of violence (but no worse than in any star wars film) and a pair of semi-adult references.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story will be the first in my new series called Jedi Monthly. This series will be semiserious with many cracky elements mixed in for laughter. The change that sets off all the other changes takes place back in Episode 1. When Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan are fighting Darth Maul there comes a point where all three are separated from each other via laser fields. This is where things change, a glitch in the software controlling the fields doesn't drop it when it is supposed to, and the field separating Jinn and Maul stayed up so long that Maul grew impatient and left to find way around to the Jedi (though unsuccessfully). When the field finally dropped, Maul was long gone, leaving the two Jedi to believe Maul had simply fled the scene, and did not pursue him. Elsewhere on Naboo everything else played out as in cannon. When all was said and done, Anakin destroys the droid control ship, and Padme turns the tables on Gunray and captures him.
> 
> After learning just what Anakin had managed to do, and knowing that with or without their permission, Qui-Gon would train Anakin, they decided to compromise. Wanting to at least have some say over his training and development they accepted Anakin into training as padawan to Qui-Gon pending Obi-Wan's successful completion of his trials, which would be a few months later.
> 
> With Maul on the loose and causing trouble many events occur differently and Padme decided that one term as Queen was enough for her. Like in cannon, her successor asks her to serve as a Senator to which she agrees. Now on Coruscant much more often she became a larger part of Anakin's life. About a year before the start of this story they began officially dating, but in secret. To their knowledge only a very select few handmaidens of Padme's, Anakin's family (his mom and several people from Tatooine that he considers family), and Qui-Gon know. Qui-Gon rather than objecting, chooses instead to give cautious advice to his apprentice about the path he's heading down. Unbeknownst to all other knowing parties, Palatine is also aware of their relationship but hasn't done anything to use it to his advantage yet. With Qui-Gon training Anakin and not Obi-Wan, the relationship between Anakin and Obi-Wan is not the same, but they are still friends. While Anakin loves to play pranks on Obi-Wan, he does not hesitate to come to Obi-Wan's aid if needed.
> 
> As the title of the piece suggests, this is my take on what happens in episode 2.
> 
> As needed I will cut in with additional notes (for which I apologize in advance). So, with all this said and my apologies for these long intro notes I hope you enjoy my creation.

Chapter 1

 

Obi-Wan sat reading the latest issue of Jedi Monthly. He had originally been reluctant to read it, a galaxy wide periodical on all things Jedi had seemed a little ridiculous, especially considering he was a Jedi Knight himself. But after he'd seen Anakin reading it, and being told just how hip it was to read; he'd subscribed to it. None of the other Jedi could understand why he read it, but he found it very enlightening. Sure, there'd been a few misunderstandings along the way, but all in all it definitely made it easier for him to connect with the current generation of padawans and younglings.

 

"Please tell me you're not reading what I think you're reading." A voice said and Obi-Wan looked up to see Master Windu.

"Master Windu, my apologies, I didn't hear you come in." Obi-Wan greeted him.

"Obi-Wan please tell me you weren't just reading the latest issue of Jedi Monthly."

"It really is quite informative. I've said it before and I'll continue to say it; it isn't all that bad. This month's featured article on Lightsaber swallowing should prove useful if I can master the technique."

"Lightsaber swallowing?" Master Windu asked in disbelief.

"A technique in which one swallows the blade of an active lightsaber without injuring themselves."

Master Windu shook his head despondently.

"What, it is possible, I've seen Anakin do it a number of times. It's all a matter of relaxing the body so the blade does not come into contact with any tissue. In learning to relax the body so, it trains you to be a more relaxed and free flowing in combat, thus making you better swordsman."

Master Windu just stared at Obi-Wan with a blank look on his face. "Let's just skip to why I came by. The council has an assignment for you."

"Very well, what is it the council wants me to do."

"You are aware of the debate in the Senate to create an army for the republic are you not? And that the Senate is scheduled to vote on it."

"I am. Though I fail to see what has to do with the council."

"As you are no doubt aware there is much debate and strong feelings on both sides over this issue. Earlier today Senator Amidala returned to Coruscant to cast a vote against it."

"She is one of the most outspoken against the act is she not?" Obi-Wan asked as he recalled everything he could think of regarding the issue and all the major players involved."

"She is.

"And just after landing an attempt was made on her life. After much persuasion she has agreed to a small security detail, and the council want you to head it up."

Obi-Wan's expression showed a moderate amount of pride. "It shall be my honor. I shall assemble a team immediately."

"There will be no need for that, the council has already selected the team for you."

"Very well, who all will I will be working with?"

"Padawan Skywalker."

"Always a pleasure working with him, and of course I always love an opportunity to work with my old master. Who else?"

"Actually, it's just Padawan Skywalker."

"Just Anakin and I?" Oi-Wan asked inquisitively.

"That's not going to be a problem is it?" Master Windu asked.

"No," Obi-Wan replied confidently. "So long as I don't have to go flying anywhere with him. And wouldn't it be better to have a few more Jedi? And if Anakin is to be assigned to this detail, why not Qui-Gon as well?"

"For starters you know how well the Senator and Master Qui-Gon get along."

"Yes, they do have a very rocky relationship don't they."

"Also Master Qui-Gon has a separate assignment. A reported sighting of Darth Maul has been brought to us, it's a highly sensitive mission and as such he will be going to investigate alone."

"Very well, I shall go and meet up with Anakin right away."

"Oh, and one more thing Obi-Wan." Master Windu added with a hesitation in his voice.

"Yes?"

"Try not to let Padawan Skywalker pull any pranks on you."

"I'm not sure I know what you mean Master Windu."

"Shaving your head to make you less wind resistant and therefore able to move faster in combat?" Master Windu offered up as an example.

"It made sense at the time. You have no hair on your head and you are arguably one of the greatest swordsmen in the order, second only to Master Yoda."

"Just try not to fall for any of his pranks."

 

 

Across town Anakin Skywalker sat at a computer terminal typing rapidly. He was so immersed in his project that he did not sense his master approaching, or hear the door slide open.

"I take it that is your featured article for next month's issue of Jedi Monthly." Qui-Gon Jinn asked his padawan.

 

Jedi Monthly, had started as one of Anakin's countless pranks on Obi-Wan. Initially when he told Obi-Wan about it, the Jedi Knight had been resistant, but when Anakin "allowed" himself to be seen reading it he was able to convince Obi-Wan that it was hip and cool. Once Obi-Wan started reading it he began telling a few others about it, and Anakin saw an opportunity. He had longed to free his mother from slavery. Anakin had often dreamt up various plans to do so, but they all were flawed. Qui-Gon had encouraged him to continue his quest, but would not help him saying it would be part of his training, and that when and if Anakin could come up with a feasible plan, he would help Anakin to carry it out. Qui-Gon had believed that Anakin knowing his mother was free and safe would help him to better focus on his training. Starting out with just the handful of readers Anakin began selling subscriptions to his new magazine. He knew the process would be long and hard, but he also knew if he could grow it large enough, he would have the money to buy his mother's freedom. It also proved to be a continuing way of messing with Obi-Wan. More than 90% of what he put in the magazine was ridiculousness meant to make people laugh, and fool the gullible.

It took a couple of years, but Anakin saved up the money and with some help bought his mother's freedom.

Realizing just how successful Jedi Monthly was, and knowing how many more slaves were still out there in the galaxy; he began to work towards freeing as many as he could. He freed all his friends from Tatooine, and used parts of his proceeds to help them get on their feet until they could support themselves. In time he eventually grew tired of helping the slavers to get richer with his purchase of their slaves' freedom; now often times after a slave had been freed, the slave master was caught up in some horrible scandal that ruined them. That or the money that had been paid out would disappear without a trace and no way to track who had stolen the money from them. A few times even they lost their newly acquired credits gambling on games of chance -though they did not know the outcome of those games was always going to be the same. However, things went down, the money always returned to its source, and in cases where the slaver was taken down, any of their remaining slaves were freed. Anakin furthered his efforts to rid the galaxy of slavery by finishing the device he had started as a child to locate the bombs within slaves, and deactivating them and helping the slave simply escape.

Jedi Monthly had become quit the operation, and he had a full staff to help him on it (mostly former slaves), but only a few knew that he was the mastermind behind it all. Right from the very first issue he'd gone under the pen name of Ekkreth so Obi-Wan wouldn't realize he was behind it **(AN: a special thanks and shout out to my friend Fialleril** **who came up with this name. Ekkreth is the name of the Tatooine Trickster in their slave culture, for more information on Tatooine slave culture, please see her works here on AO3)**. Later it would prove useful in hiding his extracurricular activities from the council; he knew they wouldn't be supportive. Qui-Gon had figured it out early on and given him free reign to continue so long as it didn't interfere with any of his training, or official Jedi activities. After a recent article that ended with Obi-Wan falling into a Gundark nest, and Anakin having to rescue him, Qui-Gon began to keep an eye on Anakin's articles to make sure they wouldn't lead to similar trouble. Anakin had a habit of not thinking his pranks through all the way and trouble would ensue for the victim.

 

Anakin let out a startled yelp and turned to see his master. "Master Qui-Gon."

"What is next month's featured article?" Qui-Gon walked over to the terminal and began to read aloud. "Is the Supreme Chancellor really a Sith Lord?

"Do you really think that's a good idea?"

"It was his idea." Anakin replied innocently.

"His idea? So, the Chancellor knows you are behind this publication?""

"Yes, he saw through it from the very first issue and reads it monthly. He says it always gives him a good laugh and wanted to give back."

"Be that as it may I worry about the possible consequences. Obi-Wan may take it a bit too far. Need I remind you of the Top Ten Signs YOU are a Sith Lord incident?"

"I had no idea Obi-Wan would take it that far." Anakin protested.

"It took the entire Jedi council two months to convince him that he did not have a split personality."

"You have to admit it was worth it to see the looks on the faces of the council when he told them he that he was a Sith Lord named Darth Tyranus."

"This is a whole different category. What happens if after reading that he decides to try and arrest the Chancellor?" Qui-Gon asked.

"Actually, that's part of the plan."

"Part of what plan?"

"Chancellor Palpatine will be in his office and Obi-Wan comes bursting in accusing him of being a Sith Lord. The chancellor will ask for evidence and when Obi-Wan starts spouting off the reasons listed in the article, the Chancellor turns them right back around on him drawing him into an ever more ridiculous conversation that is being caught on holo. After a while Ashton Kutcher will pop out and tell Obi-Wan that he was being punked."

**AN: While this prank probably will not happen, and it will probably prove irrelevant to the story, I think you might like this small behind the scenes tidbit. This prank that Palpatine is encouraging is meant to really be a trap for Obi-Wan. Palpatine's influence over Anakin isn't all that powerful, so he intends to make it look like Obi-Wan (a Jedi) went mad and attacked him, and that his guards (though it would probably Sidious himself that does the deed) would kill Obi-Wan to defend Palpatine. He is trying to create a public distrust in the Jedi and create reason to scrutinize them closely and reveal the relationship between Anakin and Padme. He believes that this would result in either Anakin's expulsion from the order, or create a rift between them that would ultimately end up with him leaving the order. Either way, from there he would be able to sway Anakin's thinking to more anti-Jedi, and lure him down the path to the dark side. I now return you to the story.**

"We plan to put the video up on YouTube; it will go viral and should really help my boost by subscriber count. I'm still a few million credits short of being able to fund Kitster's play."

"Kister is trying to produce a play?" Qui-Gon asked curious, "And you are funding it? I thought you were using the proceeds from this venture to buy slaves their freedom?"

"I still am. 90% of my profits go towards that, but recently I started setting some aside to help Kister get The Menace of the Opera up and running. He's planning to contribute 90% of the profits from his shows to the slave liberation front too."

"Well as noble as your cause may be, I would still rather sit down with you and the chancellor to discuss this and make sure it is well and truly thought out, so that nobody gets hurt in the process.

"When is your publishing deadline?"

"In three days."

"That does not leave enough time for this meeting unfortunately. Do you have anything else you can go with?"

"Well I do have that piece on Master Yoda really being a Hutt in disguise." Anakin offered. "It's still very rough and needs some polishing. The science behind the tech allowing him to disguise himself so well doesn't quite work yet."

"Have you considered that he is mealy using the force to project the image of his choosing into the minds of all those around him."

"But then how does he move so quick, even in his old age Master Yoda moves quicker than a Hutt augmenting his speed with the force."

"Ever hear of a hover sled?"

"Master Qui-Gon you're a genius, though I would still rather the disguise be technology based. Are you sure there isn't enough time to get a meeting with the chancellor? If I ask him I'm sure he'd clear up his schedule to meet with us."

"That is not the issue. We have been given assignments."

"What does the council have for us." Anakin asked excitedly.

"Darth Maul has been spotted in a cantina on Nal Hutta. And I am to go investigate and see if this new lead can go anywhere."

"That's the third outer rim world he's been spotted on this month. What could he be doing out there. Pretty much the only thing out there is pirates, smugglers and slavers. Unless he's looking to get into the spice trade or has some hot motivators to sell, there's not much that would be of interest to a sith."

"All the same I will be going to investigate and am to leave immediately. And you are to accompany Obi-Wan on a security detail for Senator Amidala while she is on Coruscant for the vote on the creation of an army for the republic."

"Padme's on planet?" Anakin's excitement spiked.

"Yes, and an attempt was made on her life just after landing."

"Is she all right?"

"She's fine, though one of her handmaidens was killed in the blast. In light of the attack the council has convinced her to accept a small security detail; people she is familiar with, and comfortable with."

"If I'm to be assigned to this detail why aren't you?" Anakin asked.

"You are well aware of how the senator and I get along. Even with your persuasion I doubt she'd accept the security detail if I were a part of it. Plus, with the timing of this Maul sighting I couldn't be a part of it either way."

"Speaking of which," Anakin interrupted his master, "Not that I'm not excited to see Padme, but why am I not going with you?"

"I will need to proceed with the utmost discretion, and you tend not to be discreet about things."

"Hey, it's not like I go chopping somebody's arm off every time I go into a bar." Anakin protested.

"Nevertheless, the council feels it would be better if I undertook this mission alone."

"Well, at least I'll get to spend time with Padme.

"You don't think she's still mad about that overthrowing the republic article do you?"

"Another example of why you need to think the consequences of your articles through. Obi-Wan took that one too far as well.

"As for if she's still mad at you, I do not know. Your best bet would be to pick up flowers just in case. If she is still upset over the article they will go towards smoothing things over, if she has forgiven you they will buy you some good will. Oh, and Anakin,"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know." Anakin cut in, "Use protection."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back, thank you to all those that have read and commented. This is a longer chapter so I'll try to keep this short so you can dig in sooner. The only general special notes I have for this chapter are that you will get a a lot more of my cracky side in it, and that while the final scene while not at all necessary and completely changed form cannon, was only written for sake of the line Ankain says in response to Padme coming to me, getting stuck in my head and really wanting to d something with it. That scene was all I could really come up with, but in the end I think it works and fits well enough. Also i give a short section from Zam's pov, and a friend I shard with this story with in person jumped to some wrong conclusions, so as you reed it keep an open mind about where I might be going with it. Well that's all I have, as will be the case throughout this story (and possibly series) I will cut in with additional notes as needed.

 

 

Obi-Wan opened the door to Anakin's dormitory and found the padawan working feverishly at a computer terminal. Anakin was old enough that he should have been well passed any sort of research work, that was of course unless Qui-Gon had given him an assignment, but that didn't seem likely. Anakin had to be close to ready to take the trials, and at that point he couldn't think of a single Jedi that would assign any sort of major research to a padawan.

 

"What are you working on?" Obi-Wan asked as he approached.

A startled Anakin jumped in his seat, quickly turned the monitor off and just as quickly turned to face Obi-Wan. "Obi-Wan, I didn't hear you come in."

"Not surprised, you were engrossed quite heavily in your studies. What is it you were working on that had your attention so?"

"It's a paper on the construction of lightsabers." Anakin said thinking up a quick excuse. "It's going to eventually lead into my thesis on their functionality and how they can be improved."

"Your thesis?" Obi-Wan asked confused.

"Yes, in addition to my Jedi training I've been taking classes at The University of Coruscant. It's my intention to augment my Jedi studies with a Doctorate in Jedi studies. I've still got a long way to go, but I figure it never hurts to start early."

"I've never heard of The University of Coruscant." Obi-Wan muttered confused.

"Oh, it's a very prestigious school. They only accept the best." Anakin told him reassuringly.

"In that case I probably should apply. It certainly sounds like a good idea if it can help me to be a better Jedi. When is the deadline to apply?"

The gears in Anakin's head began whirling at light speed. "The application deadline for the next semester is in three days.

"I've got class tomorrow, I can stop by the registrar's office and pick you up an application."

"Why thank you Anakin, I appreciate it."

"No problem. So, what brings you around?"

"The council has given us an assignment."

"That's right," Anakin said suddenly remembering the security detail that Qui-Gon had told him about. "Master Qui-Gon already filled me in. When do we report for duty?"

"We are to report to her apartment immediately."

"Shit." Anakin cursed under his breath as he realized this would not leave him suitable opportunity to pick up flowers for Padme. "Knew I should have ordered them online and had someone deliver them for me."

"What was that?" Obi-Wan asked unable to make out what Anakin was saying.

"Oh, nothing. Not important.

"Why don't you go on ahead and I'll catch up in a minute. I just need to save my work and change quick."

"Of course, but don't take too long, we really need to get over to the Senators apartment as soon a s possible. The longer we're absent the greater the chance of another attack on her life."

 

As soon as Obi-Wan was out the door Anakin turned back to his terminal, turned the monitor back on, saved his work then made his way to Dex' , Coruscant's number one online flower delivery service  **(AN: yes, in addition to running a dinner, Dexter Jettster also runs an online florist, he's a being of many talents and enterprises)**. Not having time to carefully pick out a proper arrangement, he ordered up a quick bouquet then shut down the terminal and got changed. Five minutes later he was catching up with Obi-Wan and planning just how he would find time to be alone with Padme.

 

 

Upon arrival at the Senatorial apartment complex they took the lift up to the senators' suite. When the lift doors opened to the corridor leading to the suite they were greeted by Jar Jar Binks.

"Obi! Obi! Obi! Mesa sooo smilen to see'en yousa. Wahoooooo!" Jar Jar jumped around and shook Obi-Wan's hand excitedly.

Obi-Wan smiled, "It's Good to see you, too, Jar Jar."

"Oops! Wheresa mesa manners? Excuse me, Master Obi-Wan. I completely forgot myself for a moment there. I have had to learn Diplodiaclect... speak it like a native now. Don't really see the point, actually, but members of the Senate seem to prefer it…" Jar Jar began rambling.

 

It had been since shortly after the incident on Naboo that they had actually seen each other. Even though the Gungan was a representative of the Gungan people, was constantly shadowing Padme, and Obi-Wan having had countless interactions with her, Jar Jar had always been off on some other task.

 

Jar Jar's ranting trailed off as he noticed Anakin, and his excitement burst out all over again. "Annie! Annie! Yiyiyiyiyiyiiii!" He cried and enveloped Anakin in a gigantic hug.

"Hi Jar Jar." Anakin replied when Jar Jar finally released him.

The Gungan proceed to escort them to the senator's suite.

"Senator Padme. Mesa palos here! Lookie, lookie, Senator. Desa Jedi arriven." Jar Jar announced on entering.

"Master Kenobi, welcome," Padme greeted Obi-Wan warmly. "It's always a pleasure to see you."

"It's a great pleasure to see you again, M'Lady." Obi-Wan responded with a bow.

"It has been far too long Master Kenobi. I'm so glad our paths have crossed again... but I must warn you that I think your presence here is unnecessary." She told him.

"I'm sure the Jedi Council have their reasons." Obi-Wan assured her.

She then turned to Anakin, "Padawan Skywalker." She greeted him coldly, and with that Anakin could literally feel the condom in his back pocket become worthless.

"Our presence will be invisible, M'Lady." Obi-wan tried to reassure her.

As she stepped aside Captain Typho -the head of her personal security team, stepped forward.

"I am very grateful you are here, Master Kenobi. The situation is more dangerous than the Senator will admit." He informed the pair of Jedi.

"I don't need more security," Padme protested from across the room, "I need answers. I want to know who is trying to kill me."

Obi-wan frowned, "We're here to protect you Senator, not to start an investigation."

"We will find out who is trying to kill you Padme, I promise you." Anakin cut in.

"We are not going to exceed our mandate." Obi-Wan scolded Anakin.

"I meant in the interest of protecting her, of course." Anakin quickly rebounded

"We are not going through this exercise again, Anakin. You will pay attention to my lead."

 

The two Jedi got along for the most part and certainly had respect of each other, but at times like this they frustrated each other greatly. Obi-Wan had never acted like this towards his master, or any of his superiors when he'd been a padawan. And Anakin couldn't understand how Obi-Wan could continually fail to see the bigger picture. Master Qui-Gon as always after him to listen to the will of the living force and follow what it said, like how it was telling him that finding the killer should be the top priority, but then again it could be just his desire to protect his girlfriend.

 

"Why? Anakin smarted off in protested.

"What?!" Obi-Wan was shocked by Anakin's insubordination.

"Why else do you think we were assigned to her, if not to find the killer? Protection is a job for local security... not Jedi. It's overkill, Obi-Wan. Investigation is implied in our mandate."

"We will do as the Council has instructed, and you  **will**  learn your place, young one."

"Perhaps with merely your presence, the mysteries surrounding this threat will be revealed." Padme interjected trying to keep the peace. "Now if you will excuse me I will retire."

 

Anakin watched as she left for her bedroom. Knowing he wouldn't be spending the night with her, he vowed that at the very least he would make sure nothing happened to her while she slept.

As Padme left the room Captain Typho came over to speak with them. "Well, I know I feel a lot better having you here. I'll have an officer on every floor and I'll be at the command center downstairs."

 

 

The evening progressed without further incident. An hour or so after retiring for the evening, and just after Obi-Wan had gone to inspect the perimeter, Padme came out of her room to discuss security measures with Anakin and Captain Typho. A few hours after that Obi-Wan returned from his inspection.

"Captain Typho has more than enough men downstairs. No assassin will try that way. Any activity up here?" He asked as he entered the suite.

"Quiet as a tomb." Anakin replied, "I don't like just waiting here for something to happen to her.

Obi-Wan checked a palm-sized view scanner he pulled out of his utility belt. It showed a shot of R2 by the door, but no sign of Padme on the bed.

"What's going on?" He asked.

Anakin shrugged.

"She covered that camera. I don't think she liked me watching her."

"What is she thinking?"

"She programmed Artoo to warn us if there's an intruder." Anakin told Obi-Wan as though he were discussing the weather.

"It's not an intruder I'm worried about. There are many other ways to kill a Senator."

"I know, but we also want to catch this assassin. Don't we, Obi-Wan?"

Obi-Wan took another look at his viewer and to Anakin's surprise realized what was going on.

"You're using her as bait?"

"It was her idea…" Anakin informed him, "No harm will come to her. I can sense everything going on in that room.

"Trust me."

"It's too risky... and your senses aren't that attuned, young apprentice."

"And yours are?" Anakin shot back.

"Possibly." Obi-Wan defended himself.

 

Anakin had to admit to himself at least, that Obi-Wan may be right. He'd been putting in long hours on  _Jedi Monthly_  and was definitely sleep deprived. Under normal circumstances his senses were as sharp, if not sharper than Obi-Wan's.

 

"You look tired." Obi-Wan offered up trying to change the subject to one less contentious. Obi-Wan was a Jedi knight, and Anakin only a padawan that had been assigned to the same task as him, but he was not Anakin's master, and preferred keeping their relationship as friendly as possible.*

"I don't sleep well, anymore." Anakin told him, purposely omitting the reason why being all the hours he was putting into Jedi Monthly. If it kept growing like it did, he would seriously have to consider hiring on some more people, and delegating some of his responsibilities to them.

No sooner had he uttered the words he felt a disturbance in the force, Padme was in danger.

Anakin snapped to attention as did Obi-Wan

 

"I sense it, too." Obi-Wan told him and they rushed the door.

 

 

Zam Wesell felt bad about what she was about to do. It didn't change the fact that she had too, and would do it,;but that didn't mean she had to like it. She had tried to carry out her job earlier that day, but it hadn't been successful, meaning she was forced to go to Plan B. While she didn't know for sure what that would be, she did have a pretty good idea about what Jango would want to do, and what it meant. Knowing what most likely would be coming she packed up her tools taking extra care with them. The slightest accidental bump could throw off their settings; and re-calibrating some of them was such a pain, that she'd rather have to fight a Rathtar. Once it was all packed up she gathered her belongings and headed to her boss's office. Nobody was there. She checked her crono, she didn't have time to wait around; in her line of work punctuality was highly valued, and she had a reputation for being punctual, a reputation she was proud of and didn't want to tarnish. She felt bad about what she was about to do, but it was just one of those things that she had to do as part of getting by in the galaxy. Leaving her letter of resignation on the desk for the boss to see when she got back to the office, Zam headed out of the complex to a waiting speeder that took her across town to the senatorial complex. She tipped the driver generously and headed in. As she entered, she encountered a man wearing the traditional robes of a Jedi. She glanced to his side with a very quick glance, and saw the lightsaber hanging at his side. Yep he was a Jedi alright, not good.

 

"You look lost," the Jedi said to her. "May I be of assistance sir?"

"Yes, I'm from Dex's windows  **(AN: I told you he was a being of many enterprises)** , I'm here to do an estimate on window repair." She told him.

"I wasn't aware that any winnows were in need of repairing."

"The office of general maintenance is shopping around for a service provider to contract with. I'm here to examine the exterior windows and submit a bid." Zam had a sneaking suspicion about this Jedi, and decided to try for a risky move that if worked, would be a huge win for her. "I'm trying to find my contact. Perhaps you could help me find him Master …?"

"Kenobi, Obi-Wan Kenobi." He supplied.

"Perfect," she replied, "You're exactly who I'm looking for."

"Really? I wasn't told about anything about this."

"Typical, they never remember to pass along information such as this, but I do assure you, you are my contact. Give me a minute to pull up my work orders and you can see for yourself." She took out a datapad and began working quickly to alter the work order to put this Kenobi's name on it, and then presented it to him.

"Huh, well this is most unusual, but I'm happy to help. I don't believe I got you name."

"Hondo, Hondo Ohnaka." She told him as she extended a hand to the Jedi.

"Pleased to meet you Hondo. What do you need to do?"

"If you could show me to one of the apartments with an exterior window I'll do my thing."

 

After some minor, but expected bureaucratic red tape, Obi-Wan was able to gain supervised access to an unoccupied unit, and Zam set to work. Over the course of the next hour Zam took a variety of measurements and jotted down notes as she went. A couple of times she jumped at the sound of the trademark snap hiss of an igniting lightsaber, but that turned out to be the Jedi igniting it, so he could practice his lightsaber swallowing. Zam subscribed to  _Jedi Monthly_  herself or the same reason 90% of the galaxy did; the laughs. Very few took it seriously, but it was very entertaining and fun to read. She'd not had a chance to read this month's issue, but had seen the headline; clearly this Jedi read the publication too, and was among those that took it seriously -she didn't know how to take that revelation. Despite the distractions she was able to get all her various measurements and notes in good time. After putting all her tools away, she sat down and began filling out the estimate and handed it to Obi-Wan when she was done.

With her work complete she left the complex, called for a speeder and was on her way. Once safely away she shifted out of her disguise and resumed her natural form. She still felt bad about what she had to do later, but now at least they would have a fair price from a very good company to repair the window to the Senator's apartment. The whole story she'd fed the Jedi had been a lie, but she did want to make sure that they had a good and fair repair service and price to turn to to fix the window after what she was going to have to do. She felt bad about having to damage the building, and making them spend the money to fix it, but she could think of no better way to deliver the package, nor could she think of a better way to eliminate the senator. This would have been so much easier if the senator just let her kill her.

Padme slept peacefully as a droid approached the window to her apartment. It cut a hole in the window and extended a tube that slipped in. Opening the end of the tube that was now sticking in the senator's apartment, a pair of Kouhuns came out and began to crawl about the room. They made their way to the bed and just before they could strike, Anakin and Obi-Wan came charging into the room lightsabers activated. Anakin leapt atop the bed and sliced the Kouhuns in half with a single swipe of his blade. Anakin's landing on the bed had woken Padme who sat upright in her bed, looked at Anakin and followed his gaze to Obi-Wan who had noticed the droid still hovering outside the window, and leapt through it to grab hold of the droid as it began to flee.

This was not a typical move for him, it was something more like what Anakin would do, but it did give Anakin an idea for a future  _Jedi Monthly_  article; droid surfing.

Sensing that the danger to Padme was over, and with her security team rushing into the room, Anakin instructed her to stay in the room as he rushed off to help Obi-Wan. Outside of the building he found a row of speeders, jumped into an open one and took off after Obi-Wan and the droid.

He raced through the traffic and was in position to catch Obi-Wan when the droid blew up causing Obi-Wan to fall uncontrollably towards his demise.

 

"What took you so long?" Obi-Wan asked as he crawled into the speeders passenger seat.

"Oh, you know, I couldn't find a speeder I really liked, with an open cockpit... and with the right speed capabilities… and then you know I had to get a really gonzo color…"

"Really, you're worried about the aesthetic aspects of a speeder that you are going to use to rescue someone?" Obi-Wan scolded him.

 

Anakin had been being smart, and thought for sure Obi-Wan would have caught on to that, but since he didn't he decided to double down on the whit, "Anything worth doing is worth doing with style."

 

Anakin had spotted the assassin who had taken off in their own speeder and was giving chase. Dodging others left and right, weaving his way through the traffic, and avoiding blaster shots from the assassin, Anakin kept pace and finally grew impatient. When they came up a fork the assassin picked one path, and Anakin intentionally chose the other.

 

"Where are you going?!" Obi-Wan asked. "He went down there, the other way."

"This is a shortcut... I think." Anakin replied.

"What do you mean, 'You think?' What kind of shortcut?! He went completely the other way! You've lost him!"

"Obi-Wan, if we keep this chase going, that creep's gonna end up deep fried. Personally, I'd very much like to find out who in the hell he is and who he's working for…"

"Oh, so that's why we're going in the wrong direction." Obi-wan replied sarcastically.

Anakin ignored the snide remark and turned up a side street, zooming up several small passageways, then stopped the speeder leaving it hovering about fifty stories up.

"Well, you lost him." Obi-Wan said annoyed.

"I'm deeply sorry." Anakin replied though he wasn't completely sincere as he began to look around.

Spotting something, he began to count to himself as he watched something below approach.

"Excuse me for a moment." Anakin said and then jumped out of the speeder.

 

Obi-Wan looked down and saw the assassin's speeder about five stories below, cruising past.

Anakin miraculously landed on top of the assassin's speeder, causing it to wobble under the impact.

Despite multiple attempts to shake him, Anakin made his way up to the cockpit and reached in to try and take control of the ship. The assassin fought back before finally reaching for a blaster. Anakin saw it and used the force to draw it to his own hand, but the assassin's grip was too strong and they both had a hold of the blaster fighting for control over it, just as they had for control over the ship. Neither one could be sure who had pulled the trigger, but in the midst of the fight for the weapon, it went off blowing a hole in the speeders floor. The ship went into a nosedive and the assassin let go of the blaster to fight the ship, and pulled it out of the dive. Just before crashing nose first into the pavement.

The speeder skidded to a stop throwing Anakin off into the street.

The assassin got out of her damaged ship and began to run through the crowd. Anakin recovered and gave chase just barely keeping his target in sight. The crowd was too thick though and he couldn't gain ground. Finally, the assassin turned into a club, and just as Anakin was about to follow, Obi-Wan landed and caught up to him.

 

"Anakin!" Obi-Wan called to him.

"He went into that club."

"Patience." Obi-Wan pleaded as he held out Anakin's lightsaber, which had fallen off of Anakin while he was fighting for control of the assassin's ship. "Here. Next time try not to lose it."

"Sorry." Anakin apologized as he reached for the lightsaber only to have Obi-Wan hold it back.

"A Jedi's saber is his most precious possession." Obi-Wan lectured him.

"Yes, I know."

Anakin reached for the lightsaber again, and Obi-Wan pulled it back again.

"He must keep it with him at all times."

"I know."

"This weapon is your life!"

"I've heard this lesson before… Besides if I lose it I've got five more back in my dorm."

Obi-Wan finally held out the lightsaber and allowed Anakin to grab it, then together they headed into the club.

"Do you see him?" Obi-Wan asked.

"I think he's a she… and I think she is a changeling."

"In that case be extra careful…"

Nodding to the room he added, "Check it out." And started to head off in another direction.

"Where are you going?" Anakin asked confused.

"To get a drink." Obi-Wan replied to Anakin's surprise. And even more shocking was that as he walked away he actually did head to the bar.

 

Anakin proceed to begin to search the club for the assassin. As he searched the bar he happened to overhear a Balosar try to sell some Death Sticks to Obi-Wan, only for Obi-Wan to use a mind trick on him to convince the Balosar that he didn't want to sell to Obi-Wan. Then Obi-Wan used the mind trick a second time to make the Balosar want to go home and rethink his life. Anakin scoffed, a simple "no" would have been sufficient. Granted they were illegal, but there were better ways of getting drug dealers to turn legit, Anakin had even helped a few get a job with  _Jedi Monthly_. It was a funny thing, they had more money in their pockets with a steady reliable paycheck, then having to spend money protecting themselves from Coruscant Security Forces (CSF), rival dealers and gangs. He'd even gone a step further and helped their clients get clean. He would have to have a talk with Obi-Wan about messing with people's' free will, even if that free will led them to make bad choices.

Anakin continued to search the club, his senses tuned to a fine edge; everything within the club spoke to him through the force, and then something spoke to him outside of the force. It was the clubs sound system, over it he could hear the Bee Gees'  _Stayin' Alive_ , he couldn't resist. If Obi-Wan could take timeout from the search to relax and go get a drink, he could take some timeout to have some fun.

With the aid of the force he leapt over the entire crowd, and though it hadn't been his intention it worked out perfect that he had landed right in front of a pretty girl dressed in a flowing floor length red dress. They were in the middle of the dance floor and had garnered the attention of everyone in the club. He shot a single finger up into the air and his Jedi robes flew off and he was suddenly in a completely different outfit. In place of his boots, white dancing shoes. His black pants replaced with white. His shirt was a black button down with collar and over it he wore a white vest. The pair danced along to the music in perfect synchronization going so far as Anakin leaping up and wrapping his legs around her, then leaning back as she spun him round.

If all was going as he expected not only was he going to enjoy himself dancing like this, but the assassin -like all the other patrons of the club, would be busy watching, and in some cases recording him. He was sure he would go viral, which meant for sure Padme would see it, and that wouldn't help him any. She would be far too embarrassed at knowing someone who disco danced -let alone that she was dating someone who disco danced.  **(AN: if for some reason you really need to be able to picture this scene a little better, look up the movie** _ **Airplane,**_   **and watch the disco dance scene. That will give you a better idea of what is happenening. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to try and get the images of Anakin disco dancing out of my head before it scars me for life.)**

Obi-Wan watched from the bar confused on how Anakin had managed to hide such an outfit beneath his Jedi robes -not to mention why, and just what was the padawan doing. He didn't have long to ponder these questions as the assassin snuck up behind him, blaster drawn. Then it happened in less than a blink of an eye, Obi-Wan was facing her, a sudden surge of heat along her blaster arm, a flash of blue light passed in front of her eyes followed by a brief blur of metal wrapped in flesh, and the arm holding the blaster fell to the floor separated from her body as pain shot through were the arm had once been attached.

Anakin noticing what was happening once more leapt over the crowd landing next to Obi-Wan, and was once more dressed in his traditional Jedi attire. Many of the club's patrons began to stir and grow restless and uneasy with the situation, they were ready to make a move at a moment's notice if they had to.

 

"Jedi business, Anakin called to the room at large, "Go back to your drinks."

Anakin helped Obi-Wan carry the assassin out of the club. and set her down against a wall.

"Do you know who it was you were trying to kill?" Obi-Wan asked.

"The Senator from Naboo." She replied.

"Who hired you?"

She glared at Obi-Wan. "It was just a job."

"Tell us!" Anakin demanded.

"That Senator's gonna die soon anyway, and the next one won't make the same mistake I did…" She replied.

This was no trivial matter like with Obi-Wan moments earlier, somebody's life was on the line, a senator's life was on the line; Padme's life was on the line, "Who hired you? Tell us... tell us now!" He demanded again putting the weight of the force behind it.

She gave him a hateful look as she felt her mind being compelled to tell them against her will. "It was a bounty Hunter called…"

There was a sudden ftzzz sound, the assassin twitched, blinked in surprise and died, her last thoughts being, thankful that at least they had a good company to turn to that would give them a fair price to fix the window on the Senator's apartment.

 

A weoosh came from above. Obi-Wan and Anakin looked up to see an armored rocket-man taking off from a roof high above. Obi-Wan looked down at the assassin, touched her neck and pulled out a small, dart.

 

"Toxic Dart…" He told Anakin. They both knew without a second thought tracking down whoever had ordered the hit on Padme just gotten a lot more complicated.

 

 

After dealing with CSF (which involved an awful lot of pain the neck paperwork, for which Anakin was thankful was not done on actual paper; he was an environmentalist), Anakin and Obi-Wan returned to the senatorial apartment complex. As they suspected no further attempts had been made while they were off chasing down the assassin from during the night. Padme's entire security detail was in the room along with a few handmaids.

 

"I heard over the scanner that you caught the culprit." Captain Typho said to them as soon as they entered the room.

"Obi-Wan disarmed her." Anakin said with a wide grin on his face.  **(AN: Yes, I know how bad that joke is. Please save your groans for someone who cares.)**

"So, he's in custody?" Padme asked.

"She's dead, whoever she was working for was watching and shot her with a toxic dart." Obi-Wan clarified as he held it out for Captain Typho, and the rest of the security team to see.

"I've never seen anything like it before." One of them said.

"Looks like it's designed to work like typical toxic dart, but can't say I recognize the shape or the markings." Another said.

They all kept talking amongst themselves about the dart; trying to decipher anything they could about it. Meanwhile Anakin slipped away to talk to Padme.

"I'm confused," she said to him, "I thought you said Obi-Wan disarmed her, but he's saying she's dead."

"He sliced her arm off before her boss killed her. He dis-armed her." He explained, the grin on his face growing ever wider.

 

Padme took a quick look around to make sure nobody was looking that wasn't in the know, then gave Anakin a smack upside the head.

Tuning serious he shot quick looks to her handmaidens who were in the know, that was their signal that he and Padme needed a moment of privacy, and it was their job to ensure they got it.

 

"We haven't had a chance to talk to the council yet, but it's a pretty safe bet they're going to want you to go into hiding." Anakin said in a hushed whisper. Padme tried to interrupt but he stopped her and continued. "I know you're not going to want to do it, but hear me out on this first.

"It's a safe bet that Obi-Wan will be assigned the job of tracking down whoever is behind this. If I know him, it won't take too long, so you won't have to stay hidden long. They'll also want to make sure you have Jedi protection while you're in hiding.

"Now you can try to fight the council on this, and they will probably only end up assigning a large Jedi protection guard to you, whether you want it or not. The only moments of privacy you will get are when you're changing, or using the refresher.

"But if you agree to it, I'll convince them to assign me as your guard, and we can make a vacation out of it. Just you and me."

 

Padme thought about it for a moment then reluctantly nodded to him.

 

 

Anakin had been correct. The council had wanted her to go into hiding. And Anakin hadn't even needed to say anything to try and convince them to assign him to her, they had given him the job outright from the start. When he brought the "news" to her of the council's request, she put on a good show of resistance, but in the end agreed to go into hiding with Anakin.

Trying to keep a low profile they decided to take civilian transportation. They left the Senate district behind them heading for a spaceport on the other side of the city.

After arriving they purchased two coach tickets for Naboo, and headed off to their gate to await their ship. While waiting in chairs they kept themselves busy, Anakin with  _Jedi Monthly_  business, and Padme with senatorial work.

 

"Hi ya toots." A random guy interrupted their work. Both of them looked over at him. "What ya say you and I go over to the spaceport bar for a few drinks while you wait."

"Thanks, but I think I'll pass." Padme replied, trying her best to be polite and hide her disgust at the creep.

"Come on, I'll buy ya a few shots, and then I know a few different places that we can go to." He continued his advances as Anakin did his best not to laugh at the creep's pathetic attempts to pick up Padme.

"Okay, I think you need to leave." Padme told him as she tried to lean away from him.

But he wasn't taking no for an answer. "Don't be so resistant. You don't what you're missing out on."

"She said she's not interested," Anakin told him nonchalantly, as if h didn't care what was going on, "Now you really should leave."

Padme turned to Anakin, "Thank you for defending me, but I can take care of myself."

"Who said anything about defending you? I was looking out for him. I know how this goes, I know what comes next."

The creep reached out and put his arm around Padme, and at that she'd had enough. She flung his arm back at him then took a grip between his legs so hard tears began to from in his eyes; even Anakin winced.

"Listen bud, I don't know who you are or what makes you think you talk to  _ANY_  women like that, but when a woman says no, she means no, and that's where it stops. I hope you remember this the next time you decide to go anywhere near a woman." She released her grip.

"I told you, you should have stopped." Anakin said as he turned back to his data pad.

 

The guy took one last look at Padme and fled. Out of the corner of his eye Anakin saw him fleeing, and could swear the creep was moving so fast, Anakin was willing to bet that the creep could make the Kessel run in under 12 parsecs.

 

"Now boarding at gate 9¾," An attendant announced over the public address system.

"Dex's Airways  **(AN: Again, many enterprises)**  flight 66," A few rows over a group of men who all looked identical to one another twitched. "Nonstop service to Naboo."

"That's us." Anakin said to Padme.

 

The pair got up and boarded their shuttle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that is chapter 2. I will be back sometime next week with 3.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So when I said that i'd be back next week, what i really meant was that i was going to procrastinate, forget about, get busy with real life stuff, procrastinate some more, and then in an effort to get caught up on my work, break an ankle (no sympathies needed) so i'd be laid up for a while and be free to get work done.
> 
> This chapter is the shortest of the bunch but has some good stuff worked in to keep it entertaining. And as a small bonus I will award "Whose Line is it Anyway" style points (they are made up and don't matter) to anyone who can catch the handful of non Star Wars references I have worked in.
> 
> As always I will cut in as needed, which in this chapter is only a couple of times. Thanks for all the favorites and follows. Please read and enjoy.

Obi-Wan opened the drawer as the analysis droid told him it's results. "I'm sorry, but this design matches no known design on record."

Obi-Wan let out a sigh of frustration. "Are there any designs on record that are even remotely similar?" He asked the droid.

"Only in functionality, there are 7,342 darts with matching functionality design." The droid replied.

Obi-Wan could hear a number of younglings around him trying to hide their laughter at his increasingly frustrating lack of results.

"Is there anything else I can help with today Jedi Kenobi?" The droid asked.

"No that will be all."

"Thank you for using a Dexter's Analysis Station Have a nice day."  **(AN: Are you shocked? No? Good. Yes, what part of many enterprises don't you get?)**

"Of course," Obi-Wan said aloud as the solution to his problem came to him, "Dexter."  **(AN: There is an explanation as to why Dex would know but one of his analysis droids doesn't. You just have to read on a little further to get to it.)**

 

Half an hour later, he paid his cabby and got out of the speeder. He stood there for a moment looking at the establishment.

"Excuse us." A man said to him as he and three other well-dressed young men crossed the zebra styled cross walk single file in front of him, "Ringo, Paul, George, this is the place I was telling you about. They have the best Shawda Club Sandwich this side of the Rishi Maze."

Obi-Wan watched as they passed and entered Dex's Dinner.

 

It had been sometime since he'd been to the establishment. His stomach still got queasy when he thought about the last time he'd been here, and Anakin talked him into trying Sand Gizzars. It had been one of the most disgusting things he'd ever tasted, and of course Anakin simply said it was alright despite not being served properly.

Resolving that if he did order any food to stick to the Nerfburger and walked in.

 

"Can I help ya?" A server droid greeted him.

"I'm looking for Dexter."

"Waddya want him for?" The droid asked.

"He's not in trouble. It's personal." Obi-Wan assured the droid.

"Someone to see ya, honey." The droid called back to the kitchen. "A Jedi, by the looks of him."

Steam was billowing out from the kitchen hatch behind the counter as a huge Besalisk head poked through.

"Obi-Wan!" Dexter exclaimed.

"Hey, Dex." Obi-Wan returned the greeting.

"Take a seat! Be right with ya!"

"You want a cup o'jawa juice?" The server droid asked as Obi-Wan as he took a seat in an open booth.

"Oh, yes. Thank you."

 

Less than a minute later Dex came out of the kitchen and started making his way over to Obi-Wan. He stopped briefly a few tables away to talk to a blue furred alien.

"Hey Sully, I almost forgot," Obi-Wan overheard him saying to the alien, "I got you a gig this weekend."

"Excellent, where at?" The alien replied,

"You're performing at the Geonosian arena this weekend. Headline act. It's really happening this time."

The alien laughed, "You say that every time, yet every time they always end up holding an execution instead."

"I've got it straight from the Archduke himself that nothing is happening this weekend. That's why he's booking you."

"Fine, but if I get canceled because of another public execution you owe me lunch for a week."

"It's a deal." Dex gave the blue furred Alien a pat on the shoulder and made his way to Obi-Wan's table.

 

"Obi-Wan," The large Besalisk said as he came over to the table. Obi-Wan slid out of the booth and the two beings greeted each other with a hug and slid back into the booth.

"The talent agency's going well I see." Obi-Wan said making small talk.

"It's doing alright; it's still getting off the ground. Not many clients to speak of. Sully over there is one of the best up and coming stand-up comics in the galaxy, and I have a hard time finding gigs for even him."

"Well you always do seem to find a way to break through in every industry you set foot in, I'm sure this will be no different."

"This one's going to be the hardest yet, but like you said, I do have a knack for finding a way to make it succeed.

"So, my friend. What can I do for ya?" Dex asked. "I doubt you stopped by to talk about any of my businesses."

 

"Order 63" A droid in the kitchen window called, and a group of identical looking men on the other side of the dinner shook their heads, clearing away an anxious feeling that had suddenly enveloped them.

 

"You can tell me what this is." Obi-Wan said as he placed the dart on the table that had been used to kill the assassin.

"Here you go." The server droid placed a pair of glasses on the table in front of Obi-Wan and Dex.

"Well, wattya know…" The Besalisk exclaimed excitedly, as he picked up the dart. "I ain't seen one of these since I was prospecting on Subterrel beyond the Outer Rim!"

"Do you know where it came from?" Obi-Wan asked.

Dexter grinned as he put the dart down between them.

"This baby belongs to them cloners.

"What you got here is a Kamino Saberdart."

"Kamino Saberdart... I wonder why it didn't show up in any analysis archive."

"I've been telling them for years they ought to update the programming." Dex ranted.

"You don't control their programming?" Obi-Wan asked curiously.

"Na, I only build them; I leave it to the buyer to program them how they want. I recommend the best software developer I know to the Jedi; Thomas Anderson" Obi-Wan gave Dex a curious look, "He goes by the name Neo, but they choose to do it themselves."

"Those analysis droids you've got over there only focus on symbols, you know.

"It's these funny little cuts on the side give it away…

"I should think you Jedi would have more respect for the difference between knowledge," Dex let out a small chuckle, "And wisdom."

"Well, Dex, if droids could think, we wouldn't be here, would we?" Obi-Wan replied and they both laughed.

 

"Order 64." The server droid in the kitchen called out, and the identical men on the other side of the dinner froze in place for a second, then returned to their meals still feeling a little uneasy.

 

"Kamino... sounds familiar, but I'm not sure why. Is it part of the Republic?" Obi-Wan asked getting back to the topic at hand.

"No, it's beyond the Outer Rim. I'd say about twelve parsecs outside the Rishi Maze, toward the south. It should be easy to find, even for those droids in your archive to find. Those Kaminoans keep to themselves. They're cloners. Damned good ones, too."

"Cloners?" Obi-Wan asked. "Are they friendly?"

"It depends."

"On what, Dex?"

Dexter grinned.

"On how good your manners are… How big your pocketbook is."

 

"Order 65." The kitchen server droid called, and the identical men began twitching.

 

Obi-Wan finished off his drink, picked the dart up and held it eye level examining it. "Kamino, I know I've heard that name before, and the more I think about it that bit about being cloners sounds familiar too.

"I suppose I best be on my way, something tells me researching this planet's not going to be easy."

 

The two men got up from the table, gave each other a hug goodbye and Obi-Wan walked out the door.

 

"Order 66." The server droid called from the kitchen as the door shut behind Obi-Wan.

The group of identical men suddenly got up and charged at the door. Just as they reached it a space ranger with a large chin, overly bulky suit, and name plate that read "Lightyear" walked in and they all collided and fell to the floor.

"Oops, sorry fellas. Everyone alright." The space ranger asked.

The identical men got back to their feet without saying anything to the space ranger, and just they were about to start for the door again, the server droid in the kitchen called out a new order.

"Order 67."

And they began to dance the Macarena.

 

* * *

 

Obi-Wan sat at a data terminal staring at the screen dumbfounded. There was no trace of Kamino anywhere in the archives.

Letting out a loud grunt he threw his hands up in frustration.

"Is everything okay." A Togruta padawan a couple of terminals over asked. "You seem like you're having one heck of a problem."

"Yes, I'm trying to find a planet system, and it doesn't seem to show upon any of the archive charts." Obi-Wan replied.

"Are you sure you entered the right coordinates; the archives can be very fussy about these things. Personally, I blame the council, they really need to consider upgrading. We're running Windows '95 for crying out loud. The least they could do is upgrade to something that can't be run off a flash drive. I get all the tradition of the order, but this is just insane.

"I do not have any actual coordinates. According to my information, it should be in this quadrant somewhere... just south of the Rishi Maze."

"What system are you looking for?" She asked as she looked on at Obi-Wan's screen.

"It's called Kamino." Obi-Wan told her. And was surprised by her reaction to the name.

"Kamino? Seriously? It actually exists?" She asked in disbelief.

"You've heard of it then?"

"It was the featured article in  _Jedi Monthly_  a few months back." She told him.

"Padawan Tano, please tell me you do not read that publication." A new voice that belonged to Jedi Master and Chief Librarian Jocasta Nu cut in.

"Madame Jocasta, my apologies, I didn't hear you coming."

"Not a problem young one. I happened to be passing by when I overheard your conversation with Obi-Wan. But please tell me you do not read  _Jedi Monthly_."

"Actually, I do. I find entertaining; it's always good for a laugh, I don't take any of it serious."

"I suppose that is about all one can ask for out of those that do read it." Jocasta replied a little disheartened as she gave Obi-Wan a good hard and long look.

"Now Obi-Wan, did I hear correctly that you are looking for a planet and have no coordinates to work from?"

"Sounds like the kind of directions you'd get from a street tout... some old miner or Furbog trader." The padawan put in only to receive a jarring look from Madame Jocasta and shrunk back to avoid further crossing her.

"All three actually." Obi-Wan admitted a little sheepishly.

"Are you sure it exists?" Madame Jocasta asked.

"Absolutely."

"Perhaps a gravitational scan." The padawan suggested.

"An excellent idea Padawan Tano." Madame Jocasta applauded the padawan and began tapping on the keyboard.

"There are some inconsistencies here. Maybe the planet you're looking for was destroyed." Madame Jocasta suggested.

"Wouldn't that be on record?" Obi-Wan asked in response.

"It ought to be. Unless it was very recent." Shaking her head, she added, "I hate to say it, but it looks like the system you're searching for doesn't exist."

"That's impossible... perhaps the archives are incomplete."

"Aren't the archives comprehensive and totally secure." The padawan asked.

"That they are." Madame Jocasta confirmed. "One thing you may be absolutely sure of - if an item does not appear in our records, it does not exist!"

The elderly matron departed to continue on with her duties.

"You're absolutely sure it exists?" The padawan asked Obi-Wan once Madame Jocasta was out of earshot.

"Yes, it was described to me by an old friend. I trust him."

"Okay, I'm crazy for going along with a hunt for a planet from  _Jedi Monthly_ , but I need a break from researching the history of why Makashi is less efficient than Soresu in close quarter combat."

"Ahh, Master Dillaba. Word of advice; make sure your final submission is no less than 10,000 words and include something about being willing to sacrifice yourself if need or she'll have you do a follow up on the history of Shii-Cho."

"Speaking from experience I take it?"

"Unfortunately."

"Thanks for the tip, now let's see what we got going on here."

The two Jedi examined the star map.

"Gravity is pulling all the stars in this area inward to this spot. There should be a star here... but there isn't." The padawan mumbled.

"Most interesting." A new voice cut in. "Gravity's silhouette remains, but the star and all its planets have disappeared. How can this be?"

They both turned to see Master Yoda in his Repulsorlift chair and a group of younglings with him. The aged Jedi Master indicated for them to remain seated and focused on the problem at hand. "Hmm? A thought? Anyone."

One of the younglings in the back raised his hand and Master Yoda nodded to him.

"Because someone erased it from the archive memory."

Yoda chuckled. "Truly wonderful the mind of a child is.

"The padawan is right.

"Obi-Wan a word if you'd please.

"Ashoka, please escort the younglings to the map readers and begin maps of the Arkanis sector they shall. Join you I shall after the words with Obi-Wan I must have."

The Togruta saved her work and escorted the younglings away as Yoda had instructed, as he and Obi-Wan moved off in the opposite direction and began to converse in a low tone.

 

"The data must have been erased. To the center of the pull of gravity go you must… find your planet you will." Yoda instructed him.

"But Master Yoda who could have erased information from the archives? That's impossible, isn't it?"

Yoda frowned, "Much harder to answer, that question is. Dangerous and disturbing this puzzle is. Only a Jedi could have erased those files. But who and why, harder to answer. Meditate on this I will."

"And what of the fact that  _Jedi Monthly_  knew of this planet. How could they know about it even though it has been erased from the archive?" Obi-Wan asked.

"Intriguing that is. Careful must we be in seeking these answers. Outside of the order know not any can. An e-mail send will I. Careful will I be in my words.

"Go now you must. Report back what you find as quickly as you can."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that is chapter 3. I hope to have chapter 4 edited for next week and certainly have a lot of time on my hands right now so maybe I will get it up, but not promising anything.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still laid up, so I still have time on my hands, which gives me time to work on this like I should have a while ago. Anyway, been doing some work on the next installment, but took some time out to do the edits to this chapter so I could get it out to you this week like I wanted. You will find that i skip ahead at times leaving out parts of the story. As this is based around the movie it should be easy to figure out most of what happened. I didn't see those sections as that important to my story so I don't bother writing them and move on, plus I don't want to waste time telling large chunks of stuff that happens more or less like it does in the movie (and I'm sure you don't to waste your time reading that either), or only has small changes that aren't important to the story. Anyway as always thanks for the kudos and follows, and enjoy.

**Chapter 4**

 

Their trip to Naboo had been brief. After checking in with the queen, they paid Padme's family a quick visit, and then with a ship lent to them by Padme's parents, they departed Naboo in secret for Tatooine. It had been several months since Anakin had last seen his mom in person, and even longer since Padme had seen her. Shmi simply adored Padme, and dotted on her whenever she visited. While they hadn't officially been dating that long, they had formed a solid friendship not long after Anakin joined the order, and she had joined him on many of his visits to see his mom.

 

Anakin had tried many times to convince his mom to leave Tatooine, but she refused. She'd spent most of her life being moved from planet to planet by her various slave masters. Tatooine was the longest she'd been on planet possibly ever; it was the closest thing she had to a home. Then there was Clieg.

His mom had met Clieg while still a slave and fallen in love with him, and at the request of Anakin, kept her relationship a secret from Watto. When the time came that Anakin was able to free his mom, it was Clieg that was the face of the transaction. Having never met Clieg before, Watto didn't know the sort of leverage he had in the negotiations which was part of Anakin's plan; Anakin didn't want to give his former slave master one credit more than necessary.

Clieg made a good living off of moisture farming, his family had a history of it, and even owned a fairly nice plot of land. It had been Clieg that had helped Anakin get the last of the money together to buy his mom's freedom. Anakin had had very little doubt about Clieg to begin with, and his help in freeing his mom sealed the deal. Then when he married Shmi that was just a bonus, and a welcomed surprise to even Anakin.

Part of him wished that Clieg had come along when he was still just a child and been a dad to him then, but there was no point on dwelling on that. In addition to his mother finding love, she got a family again. Clieg already had a son, Owen, whose mother had died when Owen was still a child. Shmi had come to love him like a son, and he had come to love her like a mom. Anakin knew he could never be there for his mom like he truly wanted, but knowing she had Clieg and Owen was a great comfort to him, even if it meant she wouldn't uproot the family and move off Tatooine.

 

As Anakin and Padme's speeder pulled up to the Lars homestead Owen came out to greet them.

 

"Hey, why didn't you tell us you were coming. I'd have come in to town and picked up myself if I'd known." Anakin liked Owen, again he wished that he'd known him sooner in life. As it was they got along just fine, but they weren't and probably never would be brothers, just step brothers.

"Couldn't, we're trying to stay off the grid as much as we can." Anakin told him, as Owen without hesitation grabbed their bags out of the speeder. "Between the council and someone trying to kill Padme, we really don't want to risk our location getting out.

"Someone's trying to kill you?" Owen turned his attention to Padme.

"Yeah, they already tried and failed twice. I have my suspicions who's behind it, but nobody believes me. The Jedi are looking into it, so in the meantime I'm supposed to be in hiding with Anakin as my bodyguard."

"But Padme's not one to run and hide, so I convinced her to take a vacation instead and let them think she's hiding."

"Well you know you're more than welcome here, but I should warn you first, I recently proposed to Beru." Owen informed them.

"Congratulations." Anakin and Padme both replied.

"Thanks, but Shmi has caught wedding fever and has already started going crazy planning it. Beru's Moms are right there with her in it too, along with David."  **(AN: No that is not a typo, I said moms plural, explanation is coming right up along with a thing or two about my OG character David.** **)**

"David's her uncle, right?" Padme asked. She'd met Beru a few times, both of her moms once, and heard mention of an Uncle David, but never met him.

"Technically he's her father. He was good friends with Kara and Piper having known them both for ages, even introduced them to each other I think, and when they wanted to start a family they talked him into being the donor. After that he was always part of Beru's life, but as more of an uncle than a father."

 

They all continued their conversation as they went into the house. No sooner had they entered Clieg came running out of the kitchen followed by a flying piece of unidentified fruit, or possibly a vegetable -between the distance, speed, and splattered remains it was tough to tell.

 

"What'd do?" Anakin asked teasingly.

"Anakin good to see ya son. Your mother is trying to starve me to death. She caught me in the kitchen stealing just a taste of the roast Wamp Rat, and chased me out with a Meilooorun.

"Aren't you supposed to be on a diet?" Anakin asked.

"The doctor's a quack. Doesn't know a thing about what he's talking about."

"So, your blood pressure and cholesterol aren't high?

"I've got to side with my mom on this."

"We Lars men have always been like this and survived just fine."

"Dad," Owen cut in, "Your great, great, great, great, great uncle doesn't count, he was a doctor with access to leading edge medicine, and he only lived five years longer than you are now."

"So, Roast Wamp Rat," Padme cut in trying to change the subject, "That takes a lot of work to make tasty, not your everyday meal, what's the occasion?"

"Beru's Moms and David are coming by for dinner." Owen supplied, "I'm personally planning to get outta here the second my plate is cleared so I don't get roped into any of this wedding planning stuff. I think they're looking at dresses tonight."

"Yikes, if it's not too much trouble maybe I'll join you." Anakin said shuttering at the thought of being under the same roof as that sort of talk.

"There's a pod race going on just outside of Mos Espa, I'm supposed to meet up with Huff and Jula Darklighter to watch it. If you don't mind hanging around with them your welcome to tag along."

Anakin knew the Darklighters vaguely. He couldn't say much on Jula, but Huff seemed a little full of himself. It didn't matter though, they were tolerable company. "Sounds good." He told Owen.

"Wish I could join ya boys," Lars told them, "But Shmi will kill me if I'm not there for any of this planning, as if they'll listen to what few opinions I have anyway. Frankly I'd be just fine if they decided to elope."

"They will do no such thing," They heard Shmi shouting from the kitchen. "Quit planting ideas in his head." She continued to scold Lars as she emerged from the Kitchen.

She stopped her scolding the second she noticed Anakin.

"Anakin, you didn't tell me you were coming." She gave her son a giant hug.

"Couldn't, Padme and I are trying to maintain a very low profile, and it would have taken too long to get you word through the chain.

"Well I'm thrilled to have you here anyway.

"And Padme, it's been too long dear. How have you been dear?"

"Busy. Lately I've been pushing to defeat the Military Creation Act."

"I've heard a few whispers out here about that. Many out here worry that if the Republic creates an army they'll use it to take control of the outer rim worlds. Of course, that's just the crime lords who've been running these worlds. The people don't hear too much about it, and what few are mostly slaves who worry they'll be forced to fight the Republic. They all dream of escaping or Ekreth taking down their master, and being forced to fight would surely mean they're death."

"Well if it makes them feel any better, if I fail and this army is created it will be used against the separatists only." Padme tried to reassure Shmi.

"Yeah, the Republic has to many other things to worry about and ignore to bother with systems that still have slavery." Anakin snarked, and as much as Padme wanted to say something, she knew she couldn't say anything, he did have a bit of a point.

"Well by the looks of things, you two just got in. Why don't you go put your stuff in the guest room and get washed up. Dinner will be ready soon."

 

Anakin and Padme did just that. Just as they sat their things down something outside the window caught their eye. A golden droid was going about messing with the moisture vaporators.

"Is that?" Padme asked.

"I think it is," Anakin confirmed and the two of them headed outside to investigate.

They found the droid checking on the evaporators just as before.

"3PO?" Anakin said allowed.

The golden droid stopped what it was doing straightened up and turned to face him.

"Master Anakin. How lovely to see you. And Mistress Padme. I must say I'm quite surprised you recognized me with my new gold plating."

Anakin let out a chuckle, it was just like 3PO to want to brag about such an upgrade.

"When did this happen, when I was here three months ago you still had the silver."

"With the assistance you give to Mistress Shmi she has been able to help Master Lars with the farm, and with the increased collections they needed a negotiator and of course I was the natural choice, so they got me my new gold plating to look more respectable in my dealings."

"Good for you. Are you still able to keep up with the work Ekreth sends you or is it too much with the new responsibilities Mom and Lars have given you?"

"I assure you, I am perfectly capable of handling it all. The slave network is just as strong as it ever was. Why just the other day the final preparations were put into place to liberate a compound holding approximately 100 Wookies. Contact is being made with their clan chiefs, so they can each send a representative to meet them once they land on Kashyyyk."

"I'm very impressed, handling all that, negotiating sales for Clieg and still working on the evaporators." Anakin praised the droid.

"Well I normally would check on them later, but Mistress Shmi is having important company over tonight. Master Lars's son Owen is now engaged to his girlfriend Beru, and her parents are coming by for dinner and to discuss plans for the wedding. There is much planning to do for it, and I simply do not have time later to check on the evaporators since I will most certainly be needed to help with the planning."

"Well then we'll let you get back to work."

"Thank you, Master Anakin."

 

The droid returned to his work as Anakin and Padme headed back in.

A short while later Beru's family arrived and they all sat down to dinner. Anakin felt right at home and though his only true relative in the room was his mom, it felt to him as if all the others were part of his family too.

Padme was a little less comfortable, she knew Shmi plenty well, and had gotten to know Clieg, Owen and Beru well enough to be comfortable with them. She knew Kara and Paige but was still trying to get to know them. Then there was the new face at that table. That had to be Beru's uncle/father.

 

"It's David, right?" Padme asked trying to get to know the man.

"Yes, it is. And You must be Padme Amidala. I've wanted to meet you for so long but can never get an appointment."

"An appointment for what?"

"To discuss your wardrobe silly. I was devastated when you didn't pick my dress for your coronation. I designed your predecessor's and had desperately hoped you'd pick mine. But then when I saw all you've chosen to wear, oh, I just knew you needed my help."

"Um, I think I missed something here." Padme said confused.

Anakin stepped in to try and clear things up, "David's one of the eight gay warlocks that dictate the rules of fashion."

"I am not a warlock." David protested.

"Yes, you are." Owen countered. "You managed to convince the best fertility clinic on Coruscant to help Kara and Paige conceive Beru pro bono! There is no way you did that without being a warlock."

"So, you're a fashion designer?" Padme asked trying to sift through all the silliness going on in the room.

"Yes, and while I do have a sizable following I am not as influential as they make it seem.

"Though I would be if somebody would let me publish a fashion section in  _Jedi Monthly_." He added speaking directly at Anakin.

"And I've told you, your fashion section doesn't fit with what I do with  _Jedi Monthly_." Anakin defended. "It's satire, nothing about it is serious. Even Kitster's art's and leisure section is over the top. Sure, he hides a few kernels of actual legit content in there; but mostly the entire section is nothing but him finding new ways to promote  _Menace of the Opera_."

 

Dinner continued on with conversations going on between everyone, and when it was over Anakin and Owen headed off to the pod race. Anakin invited Padme along, but she chose to stay behind and look at dresses with the others. She had also quietly told Anakin that she intended to give David a piece of her mind for insulting her fashion.

Once they arrived they began walking around looking for a good spot to watch from. The Darklighters had picked a lousy viewing spot, but close to where all the side action would be. Neither Anakin nor Owen had any interest in that. Along the way he noticed his old slave master Watto. He sent Owen on to find a good spot telling him he'd catch up shortly; Anakin wanted to see what Watto was up to- he was sure it was nothing good.

The Toydarian was trying to convince some poor Twi'lek into placing a sucker's bet. The racer's official odds were going off at 10,000:1. The Twi'lek was very uncertain, and Watto finally convinced the Twi'lek to let a chance cube decide whether or not to make the bet. Red, yes, blue, no. Anakin watched as the cube rolled; he knew Watto's tricks, the cube only had one blue spot and was weighted to land on red, and once the bet was placed and the Twi'lek had trouble covering the bet, Watto would step in and loan the money at a high interest rate that would land the Twi'lek in his debt; a slave in all but name- Anakin didn't like that anymore than actual slavery. As the cube rolled Anakin reached out with the force to nudge the cube to roll just a bit extra so it landed on blue. Watto was outraged, grabbed his chance cube and turned to fly away. Not looking where he was going he flew right into Anakin.

 

"Hey, watch where you're going." Watto sneered at Anakin.

"Excuse me, but I believe it was  _you_  who bumped into  _me_."

 

Watto looked up at Anakin ready to get into it with him but held back as he tried to figure out why the face of this stranger looked so familiar.

 

"Ani? Little Ani?" Watto said amazed as he looked Anakin up and down. "You sprouted huh?" Then noticing the lightsaber at Anakin's side added, "A Jedi! Whattaya know! Hey... maybe you could help with some deadbeats who owe me a lot of money."

"No." Anakin answered firmly. "Make no mistake, while there were plenty of other slave masters that treated their slaves far worse than you, you  ** _were_**  my slave master, and for that reason alone I will not do anything to help you get richer. But because you didn't treat me as horrible as they do, I'm going to give you this advice.

"I pay attention to what happens out here still, and I'm sure you've noticed this trend also. A lot of slave owners are meeting with terrible fates. If you don't get out of the business I wouldn't be surprised to see you meet the same fate."

 

Anakin didn't give Watto a chance to respond as he walked away. He meant what he said; Watto hadn't gotten out of the slave business but wasn't high on his list of priorities; there were slaves who were forced to live like animals, starved and beaten regularly for no reason other than for their master's entertainment. Watto fed his, and gave them houses to stay in in the slaves' quarters. The houses weren't glamorous, but they kept the occupants warm and dry. On top of that, Watto was a crafty one and had found ways to keep Anakin's people away from his slaves. One or two had been liberated, but the lengths that he'd gone too had been very extensive and hard to make happen. Anakin was now seriously considering taking his old master down, Watto trying to use him like that felt way too much like he was still a slave.

 

Anakin was busy pondering this when he saw Owen running up to him.

 

"Hey, what happened, I thought you were trying to find us a good spot to watch from."

"I think I saw your master." Owen informed him.

"What? Why would Qui-Gon be here of all places. He's supposed to be off on Nal Hutta tracking down a lead on Darth Maul."

"I don't know what to tell you; I could be wrong, maybe it's not him. I've only seen holos of him, but it sure looks like him, and he was near the official betting terminals."

Anakin sighed, "That's him. I have no doubt about it.

"He swore to me after I bailed him out of Canto-Bright's jail he would stop gambling. When we get back to Coruscant I'm staging an intervention for him."

 

Owen led Anakin to his master. Just as he'd expected it was indeed Qui-Gon that Owen had spotted.

 

"Master Qui-Gon what are you doing here?" Anakin asked disappointed.

 

At the sound of Anakin's voice Qui-Gon stiffened and turned to face his padawan.

 

"Anakin, what are you doing here, aren't you supposed to be on protection detail for Padme?"

"Okay, one, that's a long story. Two, how do you know about that, but we'll come back to it, because thee, I asked you first. What are you doing here, you said you were done gambling."

"This one is a sure thing; the force has shown me the winner of the race. There is no gamble here, I cannot lose, therefore I am not gambling." Qui-Gon explained.

"The force told you? Just like that time on Mallestare when the force told you who the winner of that pod race would be, only for them to blow up right at the start of the race."

"That was one time, and more importantly it is the only time I've lost a bet on a pod race."

"That's not a valid argument, the only other time you bet on a pod race was when I won the Boonta Eve Classic. Now give me all the money you have on you."

"I will do no such thing. You are not my master."

 

Anakin had been through this before, but this time he was ready with a counter that he never had before.

 

"Master, you can cooperate with me and hand it over, or I can tell the council about this little run in. You're supposed to be off following a lead on Maul after all."

"Very well, but just how am I supposed to get off planet, I did not arrive in my own ship."

"I'll buy you a ticket back to Coruscant. Now hand it over."

 

Reluctantly Qui-Gon handed over all his money to Anakin who with Owen took Qui-Gon to the nearest star port and arranged for his transportation back to Coruscant.

Along the way Qui-Gon filled Anakin in on the Darth Maul situation. It turned out that Maul had been killed some years earlier by Count Dooku, shortly after leaving the order, and no longer being a part of it, or believing in them, decided not to inform the order. Dooku had kept a correspondence with Qui-Gon and told him of this. Qui-Gon had kept this secret using it as an excuse to get away from time to time. Anakin understood this all too well and promised to keep his master's secret. Qui-gon also told Anakin how the council had sent out a message to him to inform him of Anakin's protection duties and all that had been learned from Obi-Wan's investigation.

Anakin was especially interested in the part about Kamino, and that it actually existed; he knew there were going to be a lot of questions asked about how he knew about it, questions he wasn't sure how or if he could answer; or how he could do so without revealing is secret identity.

 

In the morning he caught Padme up on all that had happened, while she told him all about the "conversation" she'd had with Dave about her sense of fashion. The highlight for Anakin was hearing how Beru had taken Padme's side. It was a perfect morning in his book, until R2 came rolling in with news of a transmission from Obi-Wan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that is chapter 4. Admittedly not my best in terms of humor and crackiness, but what can you do, some chapters just don't work out like that. Anyway, I have 1 more chapter and an Epilogue to go. The Battle of Geanosiss is coming up, and I have some really great bits in that. I once again hope to have chapter 5 done and posted sometime next week. If I can get both done in time I will post them together, but no promises are being made on any front.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here it is, the final chapter, there will be a brief epilogue to follow, that I will be posting right after I get this chapter up.
> 
> 1) I would like to thank everyone who has read, favorited and followed this story.
> 
> 2) Before I get into the chapter I want to address a question that was proposed to me about Qui-Gon. If you are not interested in this or whatever the case may be feel free to skip down to the story. Anyway, I was asked if he is a traitor to the order. The short answer to that is no, not in the sense that he is turning on them and they are becoming his enemy. He is not turning to the dark side. He is a little rebellious, he sees things different than the order and acts in what he believes is the right way, in a way that is in accordance with what the force is telling him. He keeps small secrets from the order because he believes that is what is for the best or inconsequential to the council, order and republic. Anakin's work on Jedi Monthly when supervised is harmless and brings joy to the galaxy, and helps to liberate slaves. The council answers to the Senate so they are powerless to do anything about slavery so no need to involve them. Anakin's relationship with Padme and his family make him a better Jedi, so no need to tell the council about that, since they will not approve and only interfere and muddy the waters. His correspondence with his former master is harmless, he does not know about Dooku's turn to the dark side or any of his actions that have been a result of his turn. As far as Qui-gon knows his former master is just a political idealist who is fighting for change in his own way (though Qui-Gon disagrees with some of the views that Dooku has expressed). His little getaways are nothing more than an escape from life, a mini vacation. Again no harm to order, council or republic, and not really any of there business should he use his own funds, etc. So in a sense, yes he's betraying the order in the sense that he is not complying and conforming 100% to their ideals, methods and ways. But that is not out of character for him. For evidence look at his position regarding Anakin's training when he brings him to the council in episode 1. I hope that clears up the confusion.
> 
> 3) While I tried to come up with a fun and interesting twist on everything that happened on Kamino, the only thing I could come up with was that they too receive and read Jedi Monthly, and where "most impressed" with how accurate the article was. With such little to work with I'd rather not bore you with a simple retelling of what you already know happened. So, when you get to the story I am skipping forward to Anakin and Padme's arrival on Geonosis.
> 
> Okay, sorry for long notes, enjoy the story.

 

   **Chapter 5**  

 

 

 "We should probably get our story straight now so when the council asks why we didn't stay on Tatooine we're ready." Anakin suggested.

 

"Simple, I decided to go help Obi-Wan and since you are supposed to be protecting me, came a long."

 

No sooner had they ended the transmission to the council they were punching in coordinates for Geonosis. They had only needed to look at each other and they both knew what the other was thinking. There hadn't been any second thought about the decision, but Anakin had known he would need a good story for the council on this one, he was blatantly defying a direct order from them. Padme's story would be perfect. The council wouldn't dare say anything in response to that story. They'd tried reprimanding her on a previous occasion for what they felt had been extremely reckless behavior, but Padme had put them in their place quickly after that. This would be much the same.  **(AN: If you didn't read my notes above and are confused/wondering what happed with everything on Kamino, go back and take a quick look at #3 in my notes)**

 

Finally, ready they disembarked the ship and began to make their way through the tunnels in search of Obi-Wan. The tunnels were dark and quiet. It disturbed them how eerie it all was.

 

"I don't like this," Padme said, "It's too quiet."

"We do have the element of surprise on our hands," Anakin tried to calm her, "A single Jedi and a senator, they'd have more reason to expect the Spanish Inquisition."

"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition." A masked figure in a red cloak cut in as speaking for the small group of men all dressed similarly to him.

"Sorry guys," Anakin apologized to them, "But I don't' have time right now. We're a little busy trying to find Obi-Wan."

"Oh, that's easy," The masked figure replied, "He's in detention cell 38B on the 13th floor of detention center three. To get there you need to continue down this hallway, then take corridor C over to tunnel R7. Follow it until you hit the third intersection and take a right to get to hallway U. Take the fifth bank of elevators even to to take the 17th form the left up to access way V. Then take the 32nd right to get to elevator bank H and take the second from the right down to sub level 33. Once there take corridor Q down to the 15th elevator bank and go up to the ground floor. Next take the third cave from the left, do a Pennington summersault to get to a locked door. To open the door, you need to step on the floor titles to spell out the code "Jehovah". But it's the Latin spelling so make sure you're careful here because a single miss step will cause you to fall through the floor into a pit so deep not even a Jedi could survive the fall.

"That door is the entrance to detention center three. The 15th elevator from the left in bank Z is the only one that will take you to level 13 though. Then just make your way down the hallway until you find 38B."

"Thanks." Anakin replied, and once the explanation was over as he and Padme took off following the route they'd been given.

 

 

An hour later they stood in the prisoner processing room as Geonosian guards and a pair of battle droids watched over them.

"I told you it was a right at the third intersection not a left at the fourth." Anakin complained.

"Really, now's when you want to do this." Padme countered.

 

The wrong path had led them down a hallway with countless Geonosians hiding in the walls. At seeing them, the Geonosians had attacked forcing Anakin and Padme to run without paying attention to where they were headed, and ended up in a room with an assembly line for battle droid parts. The whole process had been a catastrophe. Anakin's lightsaber had been broken, and Padme nearly had molten liquid metal poured on her. It hadn't been R2-D2 who saved her; the droid had been following them with an urgent message from Qui-Gon, who while in transit back to Coruscant had reached out to the council and been filled in on the transmission from Obi-Wan that Anakin had relayed to the council. The whole thing ended with their capture.

 

"Place your weapons on the table." One of the droids instructed.

 

Anakin placed his broken lightsaber on it and stepped back as Padme stepped up and began to disarm. She placed her blaster on the table, followed by five more, a noisy cricket, a set of brass knuckles, a mace, several grenades, a billy club, a chain, a knife, a billy club with brass knuckles built into the handle, an Ak-47, a cattle prod, a hook, 17 sticks of dynamite, a longsword, a pair of molotov cocktails and three sniper rifles.

Once processed they were put into separate cells for about an hour before being escorted to the staging area for the arena. Loaded into a cart together they braced themselves for what was to come next. Just before the cart moved they told each other how much they loved each other and kissed. As they entered the arena they held themselves strong and refused to show any signs of the fear they were feeling.

In the middle of the arena they were shackled to poles alongside of a third prisoner, Obi-Wan.

 

"I was beginning to wonder if you'd got my message." Obi-Wan said to Anakin.

"I retransmitted it just as you had requested." Anakin replied evenly, "Then we decided to come and rescue you."

"Good job."

 

Anakin rolled his eyes at Obi-Wan's typical lack of appreciation for his efforts, then turned his attention to the creature gate that was opening as a Reek entered, followed by an Acklay, and a Nexu.

 

"I've got a bad feeling about this." Anakin commented.

"Just relax, concentrate." Obi-Wan told him.

"What about Padme?"

"She seems to be on top of things."

 

Anakin failed to understand what Obi-Wan was saying until he turned his head and saw that Padme had managed to free one of her hands from the binders and climbed the pillar. On the one hand he was relieved that Padme had found safety for the time being, but on the other, Obi-Wan had just out punned him which never happened.

He had very little time to reflect on any of it as the creatures began to eye them up. Obi-Wan managed to maneuver just right to make the Acklay break the chains holding him to the pillar, and the Reek was coming right at Anakin.

Anakin flipped onto its back, wrapped his chains around its horn and used the Reek to break free of the pillar. After a rather steep learning curve he managed to get control of the beast and drove it at the Nexu that was prowling at the base of Padme's pillar. With the Nexu out of commission for the time being, and a much safer place to be at hand, Padme leapt onto the back of the Reek right behind Anakin.

Anakin drove the beast round the arena to Obi-Wan who also leapt onto the back as Droidekas rolled into the arena and surrounded them. All seemed hopeless when all around the arena lightsabers began to ignite. The Geonosians all began to flee as battle droids began marching into the arena. With a renewed hope Anakin spurred the Reek on and past the Droidekas. He raced around the arena stopping so he and Obi-wan could catch a pair of lightsabers being tossed to them. Anakin and Obi-Wan used their new sabers to cut themselves free of the binders still around their wrists, then Anakin took a time out to get down off the Reek and approach a group of ten battle droids.

 

"Excuse me fellas but could you do me a favor and stand in a base four pyramid formation for me."

"Um, okay." The lead droid replied, and they fell into formation.

"Thanks, now stay there, don't move." Anakin told them as he climbed back aboard the Reek.

"Anakin' what do you think you're doing?" Obi-Wan asked.

"You'll see." Anakin replied slyly.

"You need to line up a bit more to the left." Padme said to him, knowing what he was about to do.

Anakin moved the beast as Padme had said, "How's that look?" He asked.

"Good, I think you've got it." She replied, and Anakin spurred the beast forward and it went charging through the pack of droids.

 

Bring the Reek to a halt he turned around to look at how he'd done.

 

"Dang, a 7-10 split. I hate those."

 

Anakin spurred the beast back around and made a second charge at the droid on the right.

 

"Why are we charging back at them?" Obi-Wan asked still confused.

"He's trying to pick up the spare." Padme told him.

"He's trying to what?"

"Droid bowling. He read about it in Jedi Monthly." Padme explained.

"I don't remember ever reading about such a thing."

"It's a very old article, probably from before you started reading it."

 

The Reek made contact and sent the droid fling sideways. Again, Anakin brought the Reek to a stop and turned to look, the last droid was still standing.

 

"I suck at picking those up."

 

**AN: I'm going skip ahead here, just like with the whole Kamino stuff, I have no good original material for the rest of the arena battle and don't want to bore you with a retelling of what you already know happens. It is just after Anakin failed to pick up the spare that the cannon is fired knocking them off the Reek and things proceed as in the movie. When we pick back up as soon as these notes are done, Anakin and Obi-Wan will be landing at the hangar trying to track down Dooku. In order to allow for some original material, I am changing the hangar that they all go to, so it is not a simple go running in after him and find him in two seconds like in the movie, they are going to encounter an obstacle.**

 

*     *     *     *     * 

 

The shuttle landed, Anakin and Obi-Wan got out and ran into the hangar. Dooku had only a minute head start on them, two tops; he couldn't have gotten far. A few steps into the main bay they halted as a group of more than 50 battle droids greeted them.

 

"Halt. You are not authorized to be in here Jedi." The lead droid said,with it's and the other 49 plus blasters pointed directly at either him or Obi-Wan.

"I don't suppose there's any way we can just pass without going through all of you is there? I mean, 50 some of you vs just the two of us? Don't you think that's a little unfair?

"One unarmed Jedi vs the 50 of you might be an even fight, two unarmed Jedi takes you down to 3:1 odds in favor of the Jedi. Two Jedi, one of which is full fledge Jedi Knight, both armed with lightsabers and the odds of your survival are about 3,720:1.

"And in case you haven't noticed, you are facing just that, two Jedi armed with lightsabers, and Obi-Wan here is a full fledge Jedi Knight.

"So, you've gotta ask yourself one question: "Do I feel lucky?" Well, do ya, punk?"

 

The droids looked to each other confused as they tried to process all they had just heard."

 

"Or," Anakin interrupted their discussions, "We could level the playing field with riddles, I'll give you a riddle then you all can give me one. We go until round where only one of us can't get the others right. If I win you let us go peacefully and unobstructed, if you win, both Obi-Wan and I will surrender peacefully."

"We'll what?" Obi-Wan exclaimed.

"Trust me, I know what I'm doing." Anakin assured him.

"That is exactly what I'm worried about."

 

"I'll go first." Anakin told the droids.

"What has roots as nobody sees, is taller than trees, up, up it goes, and yet never grows?"

The droids all looked to each other for a second then the lead droid answered, "A mountain."

"Correct, your turn."

"Small, green and old, speaks weird." The lead droid said.

"And annoying you forgot, in describing Master Yoda you did. My turn it is." Anakin replied doing his best imitation of Master Yoda and receiving a scornful look from Obi-Wan.

"It cannot be seen, cannot be felt, cannot be heard, cannot be smelt. It lies behind stars and under hills, and empty holes it fills. It comes first and follows after, ends life, kills laughter."

"Dark.

"Tall, furry and strong, from a forest world."

"Please, too easy, Wookies are what you speak of.

"This thing all things devours: Birds, beasts, trees, flowers; Gnaws iron, bites steel; Grinds hard stones to meal; slays king, ruins town, and beats high mountain down."

"Time."

 

The droids looked to each other and in a hushed tone tried to come up with a real stumper. Anakin waited patiently while continually signaling Obi-Wan to hold off his attack.

Finally, they had a riddle.

 

"Gives off a hum when lit and comes in multiple colors."

Anakin sighed heavily, "If I'd known you weren't going to take this seriously I'd have just destroyed you all already, with my answer, a lightsaber.

"Now I'd hoped to save this one for later, but if you're not go to take this seriously I might as well end this now.

"What's in my pocket."

 

The droids all looked to another, but none could come up with an answer.

 

"I'll be nice and give you all three guesses."

"Anakin," Obi-Wan cut in, "Are you sure this is a good idea."

 

Anakin ignored the question and waited for the droids' response.

 

"Handses." Was the first guess, but Anakin waved his hands in front of them, indicating that they had never been in his pockets the entire time.

"Knife."

"Nope, wrong again."

"String or nothing."

"That's two guesses, and both are wrong. That means you have to let us go free and unobstructed."

"Wait what? That last one wasn't fair, it wasn't a riddle.

"Shoot them."

Anakin sighed in disappointment, "I had a hunch it would come to this. And just for the record what I had in my pocket was this magic ring."

 

Anakin pulled the ring from his pocket and before the first shot could be fired slipped it on and even to the amazement of Obi-Wan, disappeared from sight.

The next thing any of them knew, one of the droids' blasters has ripped free of the droid's grip, began floating in midair and began firing all the droids.

They fired back at the empty air, but all their shots sailed straight through to the opposite wall without hitting anything.

One by one the droids fell until none were left, and Anakin reappeared holding a battle droids blaster in his hands.

 

"No time to explain," Anakin said to a beyond perplexed Obi-Wan. "We need to move now or risk losing Dooku.

 

They didn't have to search long before they heard the clash of lightsabers. They rounded a corner and roughly 50 meters out they saw Dooku battling Qui-Gon. It was no surprise to Anakin that Qui-Gon would be here. Anakin had sent him on his way less than 12 hours before receiving Obi-Wan's transmission for the council with a little travel money before sending him off, not enough to be able to gamble it away, but enough that he could buy passage to Geonosis on short notice. It was a fairly safe guess to say the council would want to alert him of this emergency. They would have believed him on Nal Hutta, which wasn't that far away so calling him to action would have been easy.

Anakin was all set to run in and help his master who was struggling to fend off Dooku's attacks, when Dooku managed to impale his former apprentice upon his lightsaber.

 

"NO!" Anakin shouted and charged in fury raging.

"No, Anakin, wait." Obi-Wan tried to call to him and stop him, but Anakin was far too quick.

 

Anakin reached Dooku in a blink and began pelting the former Jedi Master with a barrage of attacks. Dooku was able to fend them off but unable to do much in the way of countering any of them. Anakin began to realize that he was never going to beat Dooku this way and began to change up his technique to more finessed attacks, less wild and unpredictable to more controlled. This made it easier for Obi-Wan to join in and compliment Anakin's moves. Together they began to get the upper hand, but Dooku quickly changed that. A quick and swift kick caught Obi-Wan in the gut and drove him back, then he unleashed a wave of Force Lighting on Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan cried out in pain as he fell to the floor unable to move as the excess energy worked its way through his system.

 

"You're going to pay for Master Qui-Gon and for all the Jedi that you killed today." Anakin said has he began a new series of attacks that Dooku fended off with little trouble and threw in a few counter attacks forcing Anakin onto the defensive.

"As you can see, my Jedi powers are far beyond yours. Now, back down." Dooku instructed Anakin.

"I don't think so." Anakin replied as Dooku began a new series of attacks.

 

Anakin recognized the style and technique that Dooku was using as relying heavily on left-handed strikes and switched his own style to match. Anakin was every bit the equal of Dooku in this style and even a bit the superior. Slowly Anakin began to back Dooku against the wall and several times was nearly able to disarm him.

 

Dooku began to smile. "I admit that you are better than I am." He said to Anakin as he blocked an attack that would have knocked his lightsaber from his hand.

"Then why are you smiling?" Anakin asked.

"Because, I know something you don't know."

"And what is that."

"I am not left-handed."

 

Dooku quickly switched hands catching Anakin so off guard that he could not defend against the attack that came from Dooku. With a single swipe Dooku served Anakin's arm at the elbow. **(AN: Yes, I know in the movie it was his right arm, but it has no impact on the story, so I changed it to work better with this bit that I am going with.)** Anakin taken by surprise stood looking at the wound. He did not react which puzzled the former Jedi.

 

"Tis but a scratch." Anakin finally said.

"Just a scratch, but you're arm's off." Dooku replied in disbelief.

"So, it's just a flesh wound. Besides, there's something I ought to tell you."

"Tell me."

"I'm not left-handed either."

 

Through the force Anakin summoned his fallen lightsaber to his remaining hand and began his assault again. Dooku had an even harder time deflecting and blocking Anakin's attacks. It wasn't looking good for him, so he summoned heavily on the force and released a massive wave to send Anakin flying across the room to where Obi-Wan still lay in pain, and then gave Anakin dose of what Obi-Wan had felt only moments earlier.

This time Anakin did scream in pain as he collapsed to the floor. Like Obi-Wan what little he could move caused excruciating pain. He thought this was it, it was over, he was going to die. Then he heard the tapping of a small wooden stick, followed by Master Yoda's voice. Knowing he was saved he relaxed and allowed his mind to be at ease and drift away from the present. He reached out through the force searching for Padme. He'd felt no sense of major pain from her when she fell from the ship and had easily felt her life force burning strong and bright despite the fact that the fall had knocked her out. Now as he sensed her, he could tell she'd regained consciousness and was in no immediate danger. Another wave of calm and relaxation came over him, and he allowed his mind to drift even further away. As it did several new ideas for Jedi Monthly came to him including residual force lightning energy stored in the body powering light bulbs, and the sith's master plan to take over the power grid. The ideas were very rough and would need a good deal of work, but they were good ideas that he could definitely work with.

As his mind began to work on refining these ideas he felt Padme's presence growing closer. In fact she was extremely close by. Bring himself back to the present he saw Master Yoda locked in combat with Dooku. In the distance he could hear Padme's footsteps running towards them, and then a new voice.

 

"Freeze don't move." Though Anakin had never actually met him, he knew the voice of the Neimoidian Viceroy of the Trade Federation, Nute Gunray. "I have you now Amidala, you are coming with me." Next, he heard the footsteps of Gunray and Padme walking away from them.

 

Anakin came alert panicked and fearful for Padme's safety. As he began to try and move saw a giant pillar hovering over him and Master Yoda concentrating hard to keep it from crashing on Obi-Wan and him. As Yoda tossed it aside Anakin heard a new set of footsteps come running towards him.

 

"Anakin." He heard the voice of Padme cry.

 

Confused he looked and saw that it was indeed Padme. Reaching him, she helped Anakin to his feet and hugged him relieved that he was okay.

 

"Anakin, your arm." She cried noticing the severed limb.

"It's okay, I'll just have to get a robotic arm. I'm thinking maybe something with a flamethrower attachment.

"By the way, how are you here, I heard Gunray capture you."

"Oh, that, let's just say he's in for a real surprise. He's going to wish he paid better attention to his prisoner and not had his battle droids to the dirty work for him."

 

*     *     *     *     *

 

Aboard a star cruiser well away from Geonosis Nute Gunray approached Dooku.

 

"I've done it. I've captured Padme Amidala."

"Really?" Dooku asked suspiciously.

"I have her in a cell aboard and guarded by a dozen droids. When we get back to the base I will have her publicly executed and broadcast to all of the galaxy. Like you said you were going to."

"I find this rather hard to believe. Show her to me."

 

Gunray escorted Dooku to the holding cell and opened it. Inside was a large bearded woman wearing the same outfit that Padme had been wearing in the arena.

 

"You idiot, you captured her stunt double."


	6. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

 

In the hours that passed following the events on Geonosis Anakin escorted Padme back to Naboo. Along the way they confessed all there fears they had felt during this crisis. How they had feared they would die multiple times, how they feared that the other would die. Anakin had himself fitted with a simple robotic prosthetic as a temporary measure until he could find time to build a proper one for himself.

He grieved over the loss of his Master and Padme consoled him. In the end they decided that the love they had for each other was too strong and with the galaxy now surely about to erupt into a full civil war they didn't want to waste any more time. They loved each other deeply and had for a long time but had been too stubborn to admit it. There only regret about what they were about to do was that they didn't have time to invite their families. Anakin knew he would catch hell from his Mom for not doing so, and Kitser would surely give him a hard time as only a childhood friend could, but in the end everyone they would tell would be happy for them.

At a seaside overlook under a beautifully clear sky, they wed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That concludes the opening tale of my Jedi Monthly series. I hope you have enjoyed it. Thank you to all have and will add me to their following and/or favorite lists and thank you to all who have and will choose to submit a review. The second installment is already in the works (100% og material this time), I hope to be back soon with it.

**Author's Note:**

> That folks is chapter 1. This entire story is already done and written. I am in the process of going through and doing final proof reeds and edits on all the chapters, so I should be back in 1 week with the next chapter. See all of you then.


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